


Flicker Out

by YWBFound



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Body Dysphoria, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Transphobia, Sad, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Michael Mell, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-06-28 14:57:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15709545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YWBFound/pseuds/YWBFound
Summary: “Get out of my way, Elizabeth”~Michael in the bathroom angst oneshot. Do not read if you are sensitibe to body dysphoria or implied suicide. Hope you enjoy my lovelies <3





	1. Flicker Out

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Gender dysphoria and implied suicide.

_“Get out of my way, Elizabeth”_

 

_~_

 

Michael has been sitting in this disgusting bathroom for almost an hour.Jeremy had never used his deadname before without apologizing afterwards. He sits and thinks about what was said to him.

 

 _Elizabeth. Move Elizabeth. Eliza. Elizabeth. All I am is just Elizabeth to him. He never cared. Why would he. I'm not a_ **_real_ ** _boy for him to be friends with. All I am is just a wannabe little fucking girl who spends her time smoking or going to 7/11 by herself in her busted up PT Cruiser. I'll never be a boy. Look at these breasts. I have to suffocate myself daily for me to at least look kind of flat chested, and it barely even works._

 

He takes off his binder to look at himself in the mirror. _Disgusting._ Maybe Jeremy is right. Maybe he should just stay Elizabeth for his whole life. No one cared to call him Michael at school anyways. Jeremy and his moms were the only people to care enough to correct themselves.

 

He couldn't stand looking at himself anymore so he slipped his binder and his sweater back on, sighing as he climbed back into the bathtub. He could feel fresh tears threatening to fall out. When had his life become so miserable? He remembers just a month ago playing video games in his basement with Jeremy. That memory started up the water works in his eyes

 

He scoffs to himself.

 

“Is it really true,” he sobs, ”I'm your favorite person”

 

His body starts racking with sobs and he is too in his head to hear the smoke alarms going off. When he finally hears the alarm he is too weak to get up. He hears knocking on the door but instead of opening it and getting out, he decides to just curl himself into the tub and rest his eyes.

 

**_Awesome party I'm so glad I came_ **

 


	2. farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy's POV after finding out (post squip)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Hope you enjoy please leave a comment giving me suggestions about new chapter!

**Jheere** to **PlayerOne**

 

 **Jheere:** “Get out of my way Elizabeth”

 

this rung throughout my head for the rest of the party. I couldn't believe I had said that. It was the squip. I wanted to rip this floppy disk out of my fucking head and comfort you.

 

the look in your eyes before i turned around was enough to make me sick, which it did actually. I can't believe I'm still blaming the fucking squip. I should have stopped it. I don't care about being popular anymore mikey I want you back I want to hold you and tell you how much I love you because. fuck.

 

they told me about you a few days after I got out of the hospital. I was wondering if you were just upset or if you weren't okay. you weren't okay michael. not at all

i never got to tell you my feelings. how I would always think about how soft your hair was, how smooth your skin was.

 

i never got to tell you how I thought about christine. she's cool, but you were always my star. I turned to her when I realized you would never love me the way I loved you. I was so stupid Micah I would rather be a pining mess then have to deal with you not being in my life.

 

i miss you. I miss you i misw you i mise yoy.

 

_3 hours later_

 

duee I cqnta stop crying i muss you i loved ypu so much Micah why did you leave me youre all i coueld ever need

 

im so drunk rigut now I wanan pasd out and wake up to you replying to thid message

 

michael i loeve you eo much my love

 

Yoru nothing vut good to me

 

i git the squip to go away Michael

 

mountqin dww red

 

you would hav3 beem si proud Mikey

 

fuck I can't type

 

should haev never taken it

 

please reply

 

i miss you baby

 

mikey i used to think

 

simce you got red slushies and I got blue, i used to think about what color of purple our lips would turn if we kissed

 

now ill never know micah

 

im gonna pasd out

 

i migjt talk to you tomorrow

 

i hope you respond

 

I loved you

 

I'm so so sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes leave comments please I'm kinda sad

**Author's Note:**

> Should i make this into a series? Let me know in the comments below! I could do a Jeremy pov if you guys would like that. I came up with this because I was listening to 2PG and then MITB and i was like woah that could be such an emotional reprise of that were in the song. Okay thanks for coming to my ted talk.


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